If You Give Xaldin Cookies
by DeviantRavena
Summary: One night, Xaldin returns to the Castle That Never Was with a plate of freshly baked cookies and unwittingly sets in motion a massive chain reaction involving Nobodies, numerous plates of cookies, and an unsuspecting and confused baker.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey, listen! Hey, listen!"

Dinora cursed silently as she glanced at the phone on the coffee table next to her. She was tempted to answer the text but considering she was at a critical point in the boss fight, the person would have to wait. She turned her attention back to the screen and gracefully maneuvered Link around the boss' attack. After a minute, her phone vibrated again and Navi's cry distracted her long enough for her to falter, resulting in Link running face first into the boss's attack and dying. Dinora felt her anger rise, _I was so close_!, as she picked up her phone.

_Dino, I is home._

_And by I is home, I mean I want you to bake me cookies._

Dinora rolled her eyes as she replied.

**_Do you see how windy it is outside? I'll blow away if I go out there._**

She looked at the television and sighed, her mood sullen after being killed by Odolwa for the fifth time. Picking up the remote, she flicked off the television and Navi alerted her to another text.

_Well, bake them and then give them to me in the morning. If you blow away, then the cookies go with you and that means I get no cookies and we can't have that._

**_I should leave some cookies out for Xaldin to appease him, haha._**

_XD You should, maybe then this wind'll let up._

Making her way to the kitchen, Dinora listened to the wind howl furiously as she began gathering what she needed to bake the cookies.

* * *

Xaldin was furious. Not just some petty anger that he and the others would express from time to time, but fury that was so strong, he could almost feel it as if he never lost his emotions in the first place. Once again, some stupid prank war between Demyx and Xigbar spiraled out of control and he wound up caught in the middle of some water-arrow fight. After instilling as much fear into them as he possibly could, he stormed off into a Corridor of Darkness. He emerged in one of the worlds that they'd recently found, an interesting world called Earth, and immediately went to work. Riding on the back of his Lindworm dragon, Xaldin tore across the night sky with great speed, kicking up furious winds where he went. It was quite some time before the wind carried his name to him on its back, snapping him out of this relentless rage. He ordered Lindworm to a halt and quieted the wind around him to see who was calling for him.

* * *

"Xaldin!" Dinora yelled, looking up at the dark sky as her voice was carried away with the wind. She felt silly doing this, truth be told, but the fangirl in her wouldn't leave her alone until she left some sort of offering for the video game character. "Xaaaaaaldiiiiiin! I call upon you to leave my offering in hopes of appeasing you and easing your wrath!" She held the saran wrapped plate up over her head and yelped as the wind nearly pushed her over. "Spare me, oh great one! Spare me and take my offering!" She yelled again after she regained her balance. "I'm leaving them in the grill for you so you don't blow them away!" Opening the grill, Dinora gently placed the plate on the rack. "At least they'll be safe to eat in the morning. I should give these to Pirateho." She grumbled as she closed the grill and darted back into the house. "Making me come out here and act a fool."

* * *

Xaldin looked down at the human who called out to him and was tempted to sneer at her, but something kept him from the action. He willed the winds to carry her voice up to him and was mildly surprised at her words. Were they worshipped here on this new planet as gods? Xaldin, God of the Winds; a slight grin made its way on his face as he thought about it. It had a nice ring to it. He watched her place the offering in some sort of metallic container then immediately duck back into her house.

Xaldin eyed the house with suspicion. What if it was a trap? How did she even know his name in the first place? He wasn't going to go make a fool out of himself over some offering that was hidden away. He debated with himself for a few minutes before coming to the conclusion that he would wait it out for a while, if nothing happened, then he'd take his offering and return back to the Castle That Never Was. He made a mental note of the house's location among the identical houses before guiding Lindworm towards the trees in the distance to wait it out.

Nearly and hour passed and nothing stirred. Xaldin quietly began to make his way back to her house, cautious of anything that could go wrong. He hesitated briefly at the edge of the deck, eyeballing the grill warily before he stepped off Lindworm and walked over to the container. Lifting the hood up, he looked at the paper plate and blinked.

Cookies?

She left him _cookies_? Really? Xaldin grit his teeth in annoyance as he snatched the plate up. He briefly considered giving the cookies to Demyx but after previous events, he decided against it. If anything, at least Roxas or Axel would enjoy them. Xaldin watched as Lindworm began to deconstruct back into individual lances before stepping through the Corridor that materialized before him. On the other side, he was greeted with the familiar sight of the castle's foyer. Xaldin looked back down at the cookies and scowled, all that time wasted for nothing, yet something tugged at the back of his mind. Did he really want to give them to Axel? She did leave them for him after all.

He thought about it for a second before gingerly unwrapping the saran wrap. He'd have ONE cookie, just one, and then he'd give the rest to Axel. Xaldin picked up the chocolate chip cookie and sniffed it before he took a bite out of it. It was cold and the outside of the cookie was slightly crunchy, but the inside was soft and chewy. Popping the rest of the cookie in his mouth, Xaldin covered up the plate and continued on his way.

* * *

In his long life, Vexen had seen many things. From the destruction of worlds to the corruption of the human heart, almost nothing could faze him. What did stop him in his tracks, however, was seeing Xaldin casually stroll down the hallway as if nothing was wrong and just as casually eating a plate of cookies. Vexen was just in the kitchen not too long ago fixing himself something to eat and he was pretty sure he didn't see any cookie dough or cookies in general in the kitchen. Regaining his composure, Vexen cleared his throat. "Good evening, Xaldin." The other Nobody stopped and gave him a suspicious look before nodding at him. "A moment, if you will." Vexen said as he strolled over to Xaldin. "Just where did you get those?" He asked, pointing to the plate.

Xaldin looked down then back up at Vexen. "I found them."

"Where?"

"Someone left them for me."

"Who?"

Xaldin shrugged. "Someone on Earth."

Vexen raised an eyebrow. "On Earth? What were you doing there? Better yet, why would someone leave a plate of cookies for you?"

"Something about appeasing me, she left them as an offering."

"Offering?" Vexen repeated with disbelief. "Does Superior know about you terrorizing peasants and giving up our covert operation?"

Xaldin snorted. "I wasn't terrorizing anyone, she randomly left her house to leave the plate outside for me then went back inside. I'm just as clueless as you as to how she even knew my name to begin with."

"Interesting." Vexen said after a pause. "May I have one?" He reached out to take a cookie from the plate but drew back with an undignified squawk after Xaldin slapped his hand away. "What was that for?"

"These were meant for me, not you. Don't touch them." Xaldin said, glaring at the shorter Nobody. "If you want some, you're going to have to find her yourself and get her to leave an offering." Pulling himself to his full height, Xaldin gave Vexen a curt nod. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be taking my leave." And with that, he walked off, leaving behind a stunned Vexen.

"Earth, was it? Why would someone…?" Vexen muttered to himself before he quickly took off in the opposite direction. "I'll have to look in to this… this… offering thing."

_If you give Xaldin cookies, _

_He will bring them back to the castle._

_When he returns to the castle, _

_Vexen will see and inquire to have one._

_When Xaldin refuses to share, _

_Vexen will conclude that he should have some too_.

* * *

And so ends chapter one. OTL

I'm trying to keep them in character as much as I possibly can in a situation like this so bare with me. Also, quick background and explination of the story: This all started when about a week ago, the area I live in suddenly got really windy for a few days, which is highly unusual. One night my friend texted me asking for cookies, she didn't want me to deliver them to her place that night because the wind was really strong and I jokingly said I'd leave a plate of cookies out for Xaldin in a bid to appease him and stop the winds. The next day was calm and beautiful with a slight breeze and we concluded that Xaldin was pleased with the idea of me leaving him cookies.

Also, I'd like to say that yes, the world Xaldin entered was our world and yes, it's in present time but he and the rest of Org. 13 are "in the past", so to say. We know everything that happens to them and whatnot but they're oblivious to it. OTL I'm taking creative liberties with this story, forgive me! Also, before you fret, there will be no romance between the IRL characters and the Organization nor will there be any direct interaction, save for the very last chapter.

And now that the Author's Note is over and done with (I promise this will be the only one that's this long) feel free to leave a review, offer constructive criticism for the fanfic, or ask questions (or all three!) :)


	2. If You Give Vexen Cookies

Dinora awoke the next morning to something cold and wet prodding her face. Groaning, she opened her eyes to see her brazilian mastiff looking back at her with sheer joy mixed in with a bit of urgency. "Do you have to go _now_?" She asked bitterly and got a tail wag in response. Sighing, she rolled out of bed and shuffled towards the bedroom door. Dinora cursed as she narrowly avoided getting knocked down by the mastiff as she opened the door. "C'mon, Tiki Tiki." She called to the papillon that was on her bed. "Outside, c'mon." They made their way downstairs to where the mastiff was dancing and whining in excitement. Dinora only shook her head as she unlocked the kitchen door and let the dogs run out onto the deck, closing it almost immediately as to not let the cold air in.

She started to slowly nod off after a while but snapped out of it when the mastiff smacked the door with his paw. Dinora opened the door to let him in but when only the mastiff strolled in, she frowned. "Tiki Tiki!" She stepped out onto the deck. "Hurry up, dog! It's cold outsi-" Dinora gasped and she felt her heart stop for a half a second.

The grill was wide open and the plate was gone.

She whipped around to check her surroundings in a panic, making sure that there wasn't some creeper hiding behind her or something. _Calm down, if there was anything amiss, Spartacus would have alerted me to it_. She told herself as stepped out onto the deck to close the grill. "Nero!" Dinora called, jumping back into her house. The tall tale sound of the jingling tags on Nero's collar reached her ears followed by the _tik tik tik tik _of his claws against the wooden steps. She tapped her foot nervously when Nero paused to sniff the ground by the grill before darting into the house. Closing the door, she made sure it was locked before she bolted back to her bedroom.

_There's no way he's real._ Dinora told herself as she crawled under the covers. _One of the neighbors' kids probably heard me last night and decided to take them, yeah, that's gotta be it._ She began to shake with fear but quietly laughed it away. _It was probably Jaxon, the punk likes to pull pranks on me all the time, look at me, being scared over nothing._

* * *

"Man, what the hell is it with the weather?" Dinora grumbled as she watched Spartacus and Nero explore the wooded area behind her friend's house.

"Eh?" Nikki looked down at her shorter friend.

"Just last week it was windy but like, sixty-something degrees, now it's not windy but so cold we got an inch of snow." She snorted. "I think Vexen got jealous or something-oh! Speaking of which!" Dinora turned to Nikki with wide eyes. "Did I tell you about the cookies?"

"Nope." Nikki blinked in confusion. "Outside of the fact the ones you gave me were delicious and baked with anger, you said nothin' about them."

"Remember how I said I'd bake some for Xaldin?" Dinora asked and Nikki nodded. "Well, I left 'em out on the grill for him and started yelling that I left some cookies out for him and the next morning, the grill was open and the cookies were gone."

"Nu-uh, you lie." Nikki smacked her on the shoulder and Dinora squawked and smacked her right back. "Serious?"

"Yeah! I thought Jaxon took 'em but when I asked him, he told me he wasn't even at his house at that time." Dinora grinned. "What if Xaldin and the whole lot of them were real, eh? Wouldn't that be fun."

"Well, yeah. Up until they decide to take your heart out and give it to Xemnas." Nikki said with a grin.

Dinora laughed as she turned her attention back to her dogs. "As if. I'd bribe them with cookies like I did Xaldin and they'd be all 'Oh, Dino, you so amazing! We could never take your heart!'." She said in a high-pitched voice. Nikki looked at her in silence before both girls erupted in laughter.

* * *

Vexen sat back in his chair, watching the faintly glowing monitors like a hawk. It'd only taken him a few days to shadow Xaldin and eventually learn where the peasant lived and another day to set up sentries to monitor her movements. In the four days of watching her, Vexen discovered that she spent half the day out the house somewhere and the other half of the day alone with her dogs. His little cold fronts and snow did nothing to faze her, and truth be told, it only slightly annoyed him.

Vexen picked up a discarded notepad on his desk and began to reread the notes he took back when he first started his current experiment. If what Xaldin said was true, he'd have to do something that would make it appear he was angry at this world. Apparently, a gradual twenty degrees drop in the weather and an inch of snow wasn't enough for this world. A small beeping sound from the monitors caused him to look up at them. He observed the peasant girl walking out onto the deck at the back of her house with her two (rather, one dog and another behemoth dog-like creature that was half her size) dogs dressed in shorts and a t-shirt. Not too long after she stepped out, she began to do what he assumed to be a ritual dance of sorts. She'd grabbed her arms and began to rub them as she hopped from one foot to another.

A vague feeling of accomplishment passed over Vexen as he watched her and her dogs duck back into the house. While a ritual dance was good, it wasn't quite good enough. Looks like he'd have to up the ante. Pushing his chair back, Vexen stood with ease and popped the kinks out of his back before he summoned a Corridor and walked through.

* * *

Dinora groaned in annoyance as Navi, her wonderful phone, interrupted her sleep with her usual "Hey, listen!" She stuck her hand out from under her blanket and blindly groped the top of her nightstand, smiling triumphantly as she found what she was looking for. Dragging it back under the covers, she blearily looked at the text message on the screen.

_Dino, dude, wake the eff up and look outside._

Dinora scowled. As if she was getting out of bed to go look out her window. As she set the phone back down and began to drift off back into sleep, her phone began to vibrate and blare out a familiar ringtone. Dinora felt rage over take her as she snatched the phone up and answered the call. "_What_?" She snapped, glaring at the wall in front of her as if it was Nikki herself.

"Dude, pissy pants, go look outside."

"I was _sleeping_."

"It's ten in the morning!"

"On a Saturday!"

"Would you stop complaining and go look outside!"

Dinora growled as she kicked her blankets off her. She immediately regretted it as cold air suddenly enveloped her. She muttered curses under her breath as she made her way across the room, kicking Spartacus and Nero out of her way as she pulled up the blinds and glared out the window.

Almost immediately, her anger gave way to disbelief. A three-foot blanket of snow covered _everything_ in sight, and it was still snowing hard. "What the hell?"

"I know, right? Even the weatherman is baffled at the blizzard. Apparently it's only affecting our county or something. Neighboring counties only got a few inches of snow. I think Mother Nature is finally taking pity on us for all the times we didn't get snow."

"We're in the middle of February, why the hell are we getting a blizzard?"

"I 'unno, we got a blizzard last February." Dinora could almost see her friend shrug. "Hey, uh, about what you said with the cookies on Thursday,"

"Yeah?"

"Go bake some for Vexen."

Dinora snorted as she turned away from the window. "Nikki, you can't be serious."

"I am! If you leaving some out for Xaldin last week stopped the wind, then you leaving some out for Vexen will stop the snow!"

"Yeah, if they were _real_."

"It worked last time, didn't it?"

Dinora paused as she thought about it. There was silence on the line for almost a minute before she sighed in defeat. "Alright, I'll do it. If they're still in the grill an the storm doesn't stop, I'm going to throw them at you." Nikki's response was a hearty laugh and Dinora couldn't help but smile as she hung up the phone. "Alright, puppies, looks like I got some baking to do." She said as she walked past her dogs and exited her room.

* * *

Vexen was beyond pleased at his work. With the help of a Blizzard Lord and a few Wizard heartless, he effortlessly transformed the area into a raging blizzard overnight. If his calculations were correct, as they usually were, the peasant would interpret the storm as his wrath and leave an offering for him.

His sentries alerted him to movement in the house, and Vexen watched the monitors with near glee. It shouldn't be much longer now. He glanced down at the notepad on his desk and mentally checked off the fourth step of his scientific progress before looking back at the screen. Minutes ticked by and before he knew it, the back door of the house opened and the peasant looked wearily out at the snow on the deck. Vexen sat up in the chair as he typed in a command on the keyboard. The camera zoomed in on the door as she closed it and he reached over to the speakers to turn the volume up. The door opened again to reveal said peasant once again looking at the snow with unease, a plate of cookies in hand. She took a deep breath before jumping out into the snow, yelping as she fought to make her way over to something that was almost fully engulfed in snow.

"Vexen! Ah, muffins! VEXEN!" She yelled, waving up at the sky with a free hand. She placed the plate down on the snow next to her. "Oh, sweet monkeys, call off this blizzard! I'm sorry for not leaving you cookies sooner but—ARRG, IT'S COLD—I didn't think you'd get jealous!" It took her a few tries to fling open some metal compartment, but as soon as she did, she placed the offering in it and slammed it shut. She began to hop back towards the door and almost flew in to the house, nearly crashing into the behemoth creature as he waited patiently by the door. She began to do her ritual dance again as she looked up at the sky. "Forgive me of my wrong doings, oh wise Vexen, and take my measly offering of delicious cookies baked with extra love! May their deliciousness appease your wrath!" She closed the door shortly after and Vexen felt a grin spread across his face.

Success.

* * *

Zexion and Lexaeus watched in slight disbelief and confusion as they walked into the lab and saw Vexen furiously writing something down, occasionally reaching over to a plate to pick up a cookie and devour it with ease. Both Nobodies looked at each other, hoping the other could offer some sort of explanation, before slowly making their way to the table Vexen was at.

"Vexen," Zexion said, a small grin forming on his face when the older Nobody was startled. He watched him turn around and warily looked at them while he set his pen down and effortlessly wiped away the crumbs on his face. "What are you doing?"

"Writing a report."

"I can see that, but weren't you the one who instructed Lexaeus and I not to eat in here?" Zexion raised an eyebrow as he waved a hand at the plate. "And yet, you eat."

"Yes, well, they're crucial to my report." Vexen said as he turned back to his report. "Do you recall seeing Xaldin with cookies about a week ago?"

The two younger Nobodies looked at each other again before looking back at Vexen. "I don't remember seeing him with cookies, but I do remember his scent being unusually sweet for a few days." Zexion said.

"Yes, well, I did some research and ran some tests and this," Vexen pointed to the plate. "Is the result."

"A plate of baked dough?"

"Baked with 'extra love', or so she claims." Vexen said as he went back to writing his report.

"She?" Zexion walked to Vexen's side and reached out to pick up one of the cookies but was stopped by an unusually hard glare from Vexen.

"Yes, she. The peasant girl who made them." Vexen pulled the plate away from Zexion and let it rest safely next to his report. "Apparently we are deities to her." He pointed with the pen at the monitors across the room. "You two are more than welcomed to help yourself to the notes I took."

"Why are you guarding them so?" Zexion asked as he suspiciously eyed Vexen.

"Because they are my offerings." He replied pointedly. "If you want some, you will have to convince her of your wrath. There's more details in the notes I left and when I'm done with this report, you will be the first to see it."

Zexion looked at Vexen a moment longer before stepping back, tapping Lexaeus on the arm, and heading over towards the monitors. It shouldn't be too difficult to repeat Vexen's experiment, Zexion thought.

_If you give Vexen cookies,_

_He will bring it back to the lab._

_When he returns to the lab,_

_Zexion and Lexaeus will see and want to have some._

_When Vexen refuses to share,_

_Zexion and Lexaeus will decide they should have some too._

* * *

OTL

Most apologies for the long wait! Also, many, many, many thanks to those who added this story to their alert list and me to their artist watch. Hehe, I waited about a week after I posted up the story and after no reviews, basically forgot about it. Today, I checked my spare email account and saw that I'd gotten two reviews (which I'm super happy about, btw, !) and was like "I mustn't keep them waiting!" and cranked this chapter out in only a few hours so sorry if it sucks. Feel free to leave suggestions as always, c: I'm always open to constructive criticism and feedback. Once again, thank you small lot for what you did!

Also, sorry for not turning on Anonymous Reviews, I didn't realize it was turned off! OTL it should be fixed now.


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